Why Sallie Mae would be a terrible girlfriend

Like most college students, I’m finding it hard to make my student loan payments.  After agonizing over my bleak financial prospects, I thought about the name Sallie Mae.  What a terrible name for a business.  I began to try and imagine a girl named Sallie Mae.  She’d be old, Southern, and obnoxious.

Kinda like this.

I then realized that Sallie Mae is probably a great name for that company as getting a loan from them is eerily similar to having a terrible girlfriend.  Here’s how:

1.) The offer looked attractive at the time.  Although, your decision was probably heavily influenced by the atmosphere of alcohol and partying.

2.) She’s been with a lot other guys you know.

3.) She won’t stop calling you and she leaves a message after every call.

4.) She’s the reason you’re broke.

5.) She keeps accruing in size as time goes on.

6.) That trollop still won’t stop calling you.  She just called you from a different number to check if you’re screening your calls.

7.) Your friends all hate her too.

8.) She wants you to get a job and settle down

9.) You only get screwed once a month.

10.) For serious, she just called your parents looking for you. And the phone sex sucks.